my birthday is today, good thing nothing else is happening!

alt title: 27-year-olds are notoriously happy and mentally well

This is not about the election. Smart people are writing plenty of smart things about the election right now, and dumb people are writing plenty of dumb things, too. I don’t want to be in either group. All I want, today, is to be the birthday girl.

I wrote the majority of this before everything happened, so it’ll all probably read as tone-deaf and grating if you’re stuck in an election doom loop. Or — best-case scenario — it’ll be a neutral mode of distraction. My mom apologized for giving me an early-November birthday yesterday because it’s frequently overshadowed by the grim mood of national elections, but I think it operates as a healthy check for both my ego and my anxiety — both of which tend to be magnified around birthday season. That said, here’s a bunch of words all about me. Enjoy, I guess??

I don’t know if anyone needs to articulate the feeling of being almost-27, but I guess I’d compare it to a boat entering open water. Or shifting up the gear on a bike. Or writing your name in block letters with a Sharpie just soft enough to stop squeaking. Things feel calmer, a bit more controlled; the impulse control is mostly developed and the multi-hour crying jags are less frequent. Emotions feel less volatile, problems not as gargantuan. The sense of profound lostness hasn’t gone away (does it ever?), but the navigation equipment is slightly more user-friendly. 

This year, I was finally able to laugh at my stupid patterns, and my confidence felt more grounded. Relationships of all kinds didn’t feel as fraught, and I stopped shaming myself for having fun. Things weren’t perfect – I was very solitary in comparison to previous years, and got a really bad hair treatment like 10 days ago that might taint my memory of 26 forever. Both of those things are temporary, though, and I’m doing what I can to change and/or accept them. It feels like new pieces of my brain clicked into place, or maybe I just learned to calm down a bit.

sitting where I shouldn't and reading books with names like "myths and realities" ... I've literally never changed

Last year I posted a list of pithy little life lessons that I still, mostly, stand by. In the year since, I’ve been trying to note down 27 new ones. The fact that I need to think of one more lesson than last year’s list does not bode well for future installments. It does probably say something deep and inspiring about ✨the beauty of the aging process✨ and ✨gaining wisdom✨ if you look at it the right way. 

Anyway, in the last 12 months, I accumulated…14 lessons, concepts and/or quotes that rattled around in my brain and (maybe) gave me some direction. The other 13 I panic-wrote in a single night in late October. You can guess which you think is which. 

1. This one’s really important: Do not, under any circumstances, trust your film to the CVS Photo Department. I don’t care if it’s Sunday and all the other development places are closed. I don’t care if it’s a long drive and the people at the desk seem really nice. You WILL regret it. YOUR MEMORIES ARE WORTH MORE THAN THE CVS PHOTO DEPARTMENT!

2. People are more likely to pick up the phone than you think.

3. You hate morning routines. You’ll never find the right one. Make peace with that.

4. Hard conversations will always sound better in your head, but that’s not an excuse not to have them. If you’re saying something that’s truthful and meaningful, you’re probably going to embarrass yourself a bit. Accept that. 

5. The same advice applies to writing – your idea of a piece, a point or a sentence will always sound better than the one you actually type down. That is not an excuse not to do it.

6. The superior Diet Coke form factor is the 24 oz aluminum tallboy sold at gas stations, closely followed by the AMC Coca-Cola Freeform. McDonald’s DC is overhyped and prickly, and anything in a plastic bottle is basically bilge water. 

7. The pendulum always swings back, energy-wise. A few days of being tired for no reason is not a death sentence.

8. Life happens outside.

9. There is no such thing as “making up for lost time,” and there is no use in bemoaning your use of time in the past. 

10. If you feel yourself convincing someone to like you – if it even crosses your mind that you might need to convince them – it’s time to remove yourself from the situation. 

11. Trying to look smart never helps.

12. The universe really does listen, so be careful what you say!

13. “One of the things I know about writing is this: spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Do not hoard what seems good for a later place in the book or for another book; give it, give it all, give it now. The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better. These things fill from behind, from beneath, like well water. Similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes.” ― Annie Dillard, The Writing Life

14. The Honey Sesame Almonds from Trader Joe’s never miss.

15. A little bit of spite and/or an imagined enemy is actually the only way to get a creative project done. Slight delirium helps, too.

16. Being bored by the internet is probably a sign of growth. 

17. Training to be good at something and training to be professional at something are two separate skill sets. The good news is, you don’t have to do both at the same time. 

18. Yes, a meltdown about something stupid usually does have something to do with your hormones. 

19. Disliking raw tomatoes is a character flaw. 

20. What they say about hard times bringing people together is, unfortunately, true. 

21. A lot of problems can be solved by a big (10+ hour) sleep – not to be confused with The Big Sleep, which will have varying results.

22. They put something in the margaritas at El Coyote. 

23. This one is gymbro specific: it brings me no pleasure to admit this, but Versa Grips are indeed better for deadlifts and dumbbell movements than Olympic straps. I was stubborn about this for no reason. Just spend the $40, dummy.

24. Some people find “balance” in their lives through sustainable, gradual action, and other people (for example, you) don’t. For you, “balance” is more a game of overextension to one side, then overcorrection to the other. Some creative projects can be chipped away at happily; others require a sense of hyperfocus and cutthroat prioritization to actually get done. Unfortunately, the latter group is usually more worthwhile.

25. Stop being weird about writing. Just try to shit out 500 words every day and see what happens. 

26. There will never be enough time in a day. 

27. If you feel stupid doing it, it’s probably good for you. 

And that’s it! Doing something radical and trying to keep things simple for once in my goddamn life. If you have any advice for a new 27-year-old, let me know. Going to Musso & Frank’s tonight to have my second annual birthday martini — still pretty sure I’ll mess up the order but that’s what life is all about, I think. Something like that.

Obligatory end-of-newsletter disclaimers/catch-up statements: my life has been in mild shambles for the last 2 months (partially detailed here), my writing practice has shifted alongside it, and I’m currently a bit paralyzed by what this newsletter is and/or should be. I know that my “writing time” is limited considering the need for a day job, a social life and at least 10 hours of mandated weekly fuck around time. It’s difficult determine my priorities between writing for this and working on projects that could actually be published and/or pay me, and I’ve also been doing comedy more, which is deeply gratifying and also a massive timesuck. All that to say, the posts haven’t been flowing like they used to – if they ever really did. 

My main creative goals for 2024 were to develop a sense of regularity in my writing practice and to start taking my own work seriously. 11-ish months in, I think I succeeded there. The next objective is to develop a bit more structure and discipline. Still not sure what that will look like. We’ll see.